why we do what we do
WHY ARE YOU A BOUDOIR PHOTOGRAPHER?
I am a survivor of and medic on the battlefields of the body wars. An archaeologist of beauty using my lens to heal and create transformation from the outside in…
A question I get a lot is, why I decided to be a boudoir photographer. Well, it started early, this “curse” we have as women. The “My body isn’t right”, “I’m not pretty enough”, “I have straight hair, but I want curly”, “All my cousins are so much taller, what the hell happened to me?” The “I-want-what-I-don’t-haves”. It started early; I was six. And it sucked; I have never had a great relationship with my body. I was told I was fat when I was underweight, called “thunder thighs” and worse. It shaped how I see myself.
I want you to understand that I know what goes through your head when you look at a mirror. I know you pick each part of your body as you look at it, comparing it to what you see on TV, in magazines and billboards. Comparing it to your friends’ and strangers’ bodies. I do it. We all do.
For too long, I lived in the group hallucination that I wasn’t good/pretty/thin enough based on what I saw in the media, or hearing those old voices in my head. I was consumed by what my friends looked like, what the girl living down the street looked like, hell, what the girl *walking by* looked like. I’d flip through magazines, pulling out photos of what I wanted to look like, what I wanted to be able to “fit into”. Trying every diet known to man to get down to a size even my bones aren’t built for.
My eyes were opened through photography classes in high school and college, I was taught about flattering angles, lighting, shadows, blur and other tricks to make models look great on film. Yes, film; I’m an old timer!
Out of college, I also trained as an esthetician and makeup artist, and learned a lot MORE tricks about skin, air brushing and the like. Add digital media and Photoshop years later and voila! Anyone can be morphed into the epitome of *perfection*. And so we all swallowed the myth that these women we see truly look like that.
(While we’re on the subject: as an esthetician, I worked on “every day women”, models, singers, dancers and Hollywood stars in a Beverly Hills spa. I’ll tell you a little secret about them—only ONE of those women in the magazines looked like that in real life. ONE.) .
I never really got rid of the “curse”. I took a portrait class at Brooks Institute of photography in Santa Barbara, a dream of mine since I was 16. I cried the entire time; the instructor instilled in me such a love of women’s portraiture I dreamed of only photographing women. I just couldn’t find a way to make it work.
On the cusp of turning forty, when I started to feel too old, too mom-ish, too frumpy, I booked my own beauty/boudoir photo session and I was transformed by what I saw. I started to let go of the “curse” through the experience I had. (I still struggle with it, but not nearly as much as I used to)… I started taking photos of my friends in the same style then client after client after client, slowly letting go of children’s and wedding photography~~the way had opened for me. This feeds my soul. It fulfills a life purpose of mine: TO HEAL.
An obsession was born…I went down the beauty and boudoir photography “rabbit hole” and haven’t looked back! I am so blessed to be creating that exhilarating feeling for every woman who comes to me for beautiful portraits.
I am one hundred percent devoted to making you feel good about the body you’re in, to really see yourself as the living, breathing Goddess you are and how your Beloved sees you. You will see it; it will change your life. xo