When I think of self-compassion, I think also of self-love. And although they are different, they can sometimes be interchangeable. So as I write this article deeping diving into self-compassion, self-love is very much a part of it.
With self-compassion we are allowing ourselves to be flawed, and self-love is not only accepting ourselves as we are…but deeply loving ourselves despite the mess.
Why is Self-compassion so hard?
We described self-compassion in our last article according to Dr. Kristin Neff’s description of it: With self-compassion, we give ourselves the same kindness and care we’d give to a good friend.
It’s easier said than done…I get it. But why is it SO HARD? To be honest, I believe it’s many things, but ultimately, it’s in our nature to be hard on ourselves…especially as women. We have decades and decades of programming that has shown us what “beautiful” is. And although we are making strides to cast away body shaming and normalize stretch marks, cellulite, and “abnormalities”…we still have a ways to go.
But there are things we can do to help each other and ourselves! Let’s dive into 5 of my favorite self-compassion practices that I’m hoping can help us grow in this area.
5 Ways to Practice Self-Compassion
Stop Comparing Yourself to Others (Avoid the Instagram Perfection Complex!)
We’ve all done it. The Instagram scroll where we begin to feel worse and worse about ourselves as we see other women “living the dream.” And even though we all know it’s not all sunshine and rainbows in real life, it’s hard to ignore when it’s in your face. STOP comparing! This must be step one.
“Comparison is the thief of joy” – Theodore Roosevelt
Let Go of Toxic People
How can we even begin to have compassion for ourselves and to love ourselves if we have toxic voices telling us or making us feel anything less than worthy. I know this isn’t always easy. Letting go of toxic people may not be as easy as unfollowing on social media…they may be someone close to you. But it can be detrimental, so if letting go of them is not an option…at least an honest and difficult conversation is.
“Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too can become great.” – Mark Twain
Reflect on the Things You Are Doing Awesome
Sometimes we need to be reminded that we are doing a good job. Make it a practice to do this for yourself. Write in your journal or even just have a moment in your mind where you affirm the little things that you are doing. Life is hard…so even making a delicious dinner is A BIG ACCOMPLISHMENT!
“Our self-image, strongly held, essentially determines what we become.” – Maxwell Martz
Don’t Label Yourself
On the flip side of remembering the things that you are doing great at, avoid labeling yourself negatively. If you are constantly telling yourself, “I’m so unorganized,” “I’m not good at sticking to a routine,” “I’m not disciplined enough to get in shape,” those things will be true! Try instead to reframe these thoughts about yourself into a statement like, “I’m learning out to be more organized…and I’m getting better at it!” Doesn’t that feel so much better?!
“Labels are for cans, not people.” – Anthony Rapp
Be Kind to Yourself
Ultimately, let’s be kind. In the same way that we are kind to others. In the same way we teach our kids to be kind. In the same way we want to be treated by other people. Be kind to ourselves. Life is hard, and we are literally doing the best we can. Give grace.
“This is a moment of suffering. Suffering is part of life. May I be kind to myself in this moment. May I give myself the compassion I need.” — Kristin Neff
Let’s Do a Challenge!
I would love to see all of us practice some self-compassion. Let’s write “I AM ENOUGH” on a post-it note or with a dry erase marker on your bathroom mirror. Take a picture of it and tag me in your insta-stories @jilliantodd_photographer. You can also join the Glam Cave VIP Facebook Group and post your picture there! It will be a daily reminder to love ourselves as we are.
This is not easy. Practicing any and all of these things will take time. But if this becomes a daily discipline then self-compassion will begin to turn into self-care. We will begin to find ourselves wanting to take care of our minds, our bodies, and our spirits.
I can’t wait to dive into self-care in the next article.
See you there!
