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Part 1: What started this in the first place?
Part 2: Responses on Facebook to my question WTF happened?
Prepare to either be dazzled by my brilliance or baffled by my bullshit. My observation is very simple. I call it “Porn Chic (C)”. I noticed, over the last 10 years or so, the overlapping of the pornography “beauty standard” into the mainstream.
When Jenna Jameson, arguably one of the best known porn stars decided to make a name in “mainstream society”, with interviews, book deals, photos of her before and after breasts, there was a small shake on the Richter scale outside the San Fernando Valley…However, at the annual convention in LV, she said, “this is huge … and I feel really proud that I kinda paved the way for this mainstream exposure”. The reaction to her statement there was overwhelming. Lots of boos, hisses and debate whether it was a good or bad thing. Many said she was betraying the industry. Suddenly she appeared on TV, magazine covers, reality shows and other non-porn outlets.
See any similarities with the WTF photo???
Around the time Ms. Jameson “crossed over”, I saw the bumper stickers, lounge sets, and and jewelry that shouted out “Pimp” and “Porn Star”. K-Fed’s groomsmen wore sweats with “PIMPS” embroidered on the back at the rehearsal and the reception. That event was covered like it was a national disaster….oh, wait, it kinda was!
And while working in Beverly Hills at the time, younger and younger women came to the spa with borderline fish-y lip injections, ginormous breast enhancements, lipo and eye lifts. Literally the same as the image on the right. I had a clients who were barely in their mid twenties who had almost every plastic surgery imaginable! When I asked them why, they were completely convinced they were in direct competition with porn for their lovers’ attention. Now, some may have been (hello addicts) but it is hard to believe it was ALL of them.
Female standards of beauty have always been influenced by all KINDS of images. What is disconcerting, to me, is the belief some have that aggressive looking women are more powerful, more sexually desirable, and thus had, hopefully only temporarily, turned away from other ways to be powerful and sexually desirable.
Yes, SOME men prefer the aggressive looking, over tanned, over injected, over plucked, caricature of femininity. No, I’m not biased at all, can’t you tell? I find it hard to believe they are the majority…so let me ask: Men, would you agree that the photo on the left, not necessarily Marilyn herself is more enticing? Why? Why not? Do you prefer the whisper of sensuality, glamour and sexual assertiveness? Or more of the aggressive type?
The Marilyn image shows what I think of as the Goddess vision of beauty. I think the pendulum is swinging back her way, too. Modern examples, like Sofia Vergara and Christina Hendricks come to mind. Beautiful skin, voluptuous curves, clothes that are touchable, open smiles and personalities that cannot be called WALLFLOWER.
A nice change of events for me personally? Clients are asking less and less for borderline pornographic poses, instead choosing glamorous, sensual and beauty shots.
Christina Hendricks
I will argue, that we as women naturally (if secretly) gravitate toward the Goddess look as an ideal for ourselves, and staying in that type of energy does not take away from our power, our intelligence, or our desirability. Looking like a porn star, I think, does.
As a “by the way”, please don’t focus only about porn specifically and call me a prude. I’m not against or condemn people who enjoy porn. I am only saying the crossover correlates with the change I have observed.
20 Comments
I have nothing against porn (except for the crappy plot lines). People should be free to do what they want to do. That being said, porn has altered the perception of “normal” and now we are seeing younger and younger girls try and look like porn stars. As parents and as a society as a whole, we need to remind our little girls that the goal in life is not to look like porn stars. Sadly, our culture is getting more and more looks based and now10 year olds are starting to base their worth on how sexy they are.
And does anyone else think that all that collagen in her lips makes Jenna look weird?
I sure hope the pendulum is swinging back to the Marilyn days because where we are now is hurting women everywhere, especially young women. Parenting is the hardest and most rewarding job you can have. It’s a parent’s responsibility to be a good role model for their children so they don’t feel the need to alter their bodies or present themselves in such an aggressively sexual manner. Thanks for writing about an important issue, Jillian.
The more men I talk to, the more I’m convinced that women have somehow become very confused about what men find desirable and are doing themselves a huge disservice by buying into the “porn” star image as the model to base their looks on. Men want seductive, sensual, coy, witty when it comes to the women they want to spend their nights with. Fair enough, other images may be found attractive for other interests – but, women – wake up – that’s not desirable in the long run!
The media tries to project what men and women should find desirable, obviously a couple of industries are run on women’s insecurities – make up, aesthetics (including plastic surgery) and clothing. They think we should be wearing loads of make up to look presentable, with botox or other injectables by the time we are 30 to avoid lines and frowns, and spanx underwear to hold in any extra curves! We shouldn’t be happy with the way we are – we should look like the touched up, air brushed models in the magazine ads! No wonder women have so many insecurities, your post highlights one aspect.
Thank you for this post. I think women empowered by their sexuality far exceeds the improbable and artificial “enhancements” of certain body parts as desirable. I love the images you show to illustrate your point and may today’s Marilyn’s smart, sassy, and voluptuous indeed turn the tide.
I think it’s a problem when it seeps down into our youth. I look at some of the outfits teens are wearing and it saddens me. Enjoy your youth! It’s all about how society ingrains in us what is “sexy”. I personally think the photos you show of Jenna Jameson and Christina Hendricks (neither of who I knew about until your post) ooze sex appeal. I think women can be it all – if it’s coming from the right place. It’s nice to feel comfortable with our sensuality and sexuality. Sometimes perhaps we want to be goddess and other times porn chic. I say kudos to Jenna Jameson for capitalizing on society’s interest in bringing porn to the mainstream. If people are buying her books, then they should be booing themselves. She is only making money because the public is buying it. I don’t blame her, I blame society. You talk about the clients in their 20s who have had all sorts of plastic surgery in order to keep their man. Sad, indeed. My blog this week is in a similar vain, so I agree that “beauty” has been taken too far. In my blog, I explore what
effect all of the plucking, tweezing, waxing, tanning, dyeing,
injecting, and medicating is having on our overall health—all in the name
of “beauty”?
I agree. I’d love to hear how the guys will answer. You didn’t mention this, but I was saddened by Lacy J. Schwimmer’s transformation. You may know her from Dancing with the Stars. I know her from the West Coast Swing community where she was widely known. I always felt she was blessed, lucky, however you describe it, to be so cute, and, yes, beautiful. What could possibly lead her to believe she wasn’t and needed to do more. Was she too competing with porn stars for her boyfriend’s attention? Men, is that what you really want? Or is that just what you want to lay with and you’re looking for something else to spend your life with?
Society’s infatuation with porn, artificiality, and pumped up sexuality runs so deep now, it’s hard to know what’s cause and what’s effect. I am most concerned about the effect on young children (girls and boys alike). The oversexualization of children and teens alters their world in so many ways. I wrote a blog recently about a summer camp friendship, and when think back to how innocent I was in my early teen years, I can hardly imagine the world kids are in now. I honestly don’t think men like this porn look. I think they are conditioned to respond and often must act as if it’s alluring.
I love the work you do to help women love and appreciate their genuine selves in genuine bodies.
Judy Stone-Goldman
The Reflective Writer
http://www.thereflectivewriter.com
Personal-Professional Balance Through Writing
I need to say that it is extremely disturbing to see how much of the “porn chic” (love that term!) has even infiltrated our children’s toys! I’ve made a personal stand against allowing Bratz dolls into my daughters toy collection, but that’s really just one of the more overt examples of how oversexualization has made it’s way into kid’s toy boxes.
And I know that many young girls are dressing a bit too risque (IMHO), but I think we need to look at what is available to them in the stores, too. Have you noticed that many clothing lines for LITTLE girls are cut extremely narrow and short? At ages 8 and 10, my children are now almost the exact same size physically. My son, at age 10, wears a boys 10/12. My daughter, age 8, in the many of the clothing lines has to purchase clothes in sizes 12-14! Even though she is not overweight, I have to purchase “plus” size jeans in order to get it to fit in the waist while at the same time not have the legs be several inches too long. What does this say to her about her body? Sadly, I’ve already heard her ask, “Am I too fat?” and it breaks my heart.
Just looking at the two images and pretending I don’t know anything about Marilyn’s story, I’d simply say, “Yuck!” to the pic on right. I can’t really tell whether she is making that face or her lips were over-injected. The tan I don’t mind, since I had my tan days…the jewelry is young and fun, not my style. I prefer classic beauty and less “trampy” but I think we all need to allow room for all people to authentically express themselves and not be influenced by what is popular at the time. I think both Sofia Vergara and Christina Hendricks are two of the most beautiful women out there, but as a young girl when large breasts were held up as a sign of feminine beauty, I felt very inadequate.
As the mother of a young and lovely 22 year old woman, I have always been troubled by the clothes we see when I take her out shopping. Fortunately, she loves the Vintage look and prefers to look feminine and trendy but not “porn star-ish”! I think that it is sad that the clothing manufacturers, designers, etc. would want to fill the children’s stores with things that should be reserved for adults. Please let the kids be kids!! As for beauty, it is always in the eye of the beholder, and I think it also can change from one culture to another, from one era to another. What is beautiful to us in the US may not be beautiful to someone in Afghanistan or Kenya. What was beautiful in the 1800’s may be considered frumpy today. I think Marilyn Monroe was one of the sexiest women ever, and much more appealing than the porn star could ever be. But I also think Audrey Hepburn was one of the most beautiful women around, too. I agree with you that how we present ourselves says much about how we feel about ourselves, and at the end of the day, how we feel about ourselves does truly influence how others see us.
I don’t like the “anything goes” dress code (or lack of) that permeates our society, especially in professional settings. When I am visiting the bank, for example, I do not want to be exposed to the teller’s cleavage. It affects my view of the business and in my opinion, detracts from its credibility as an institution. Peer pressure and the pressure to conform to the entertainment industry’s definition of beauty is fierce. I suggest that there is a high price to be paid– the loss of self.
Maureena Bivins, PhD
Acupuncture & Somatic Therapy
http://www.maureenabivinsphd.com
Curious, committed and compassionate.
Wow- this one bothers me (not your post, that’s excellent, but the subject). I understand sex sells but looking at Jenna, she just looks wrong (I want to take a pin and pop her lips…) to me. But I try not to compare, allowing people to do their own thing, since what is beautiful to one, may not be to another. And while I applaud Jenna for taking the step to get in on the business side, I really resent my tastes being dictated by the media, cosmetic (petroleum) companies, and generally men, who of course never walk in our (high heeled) shoes. But it is our responsibility to be aware of what is going on, especially when we have kids and try to at least make them aware of what is happening. Then, when they are old enough, if they choose to be sucked in, then that is their choice.
Candace Davenport
http://www.ourlittlebooks.com ~ Little Books with a Big Message
I guess I am of the school that if appearances are important to you, then look your best and look like yourself. If you want to look like a porn star or a beautiful pin-up or an actress or anyone that’s not you, aren’t you more or less saying that you are not enough? Yes, I drool over hunks, still do. But a real man who loves me is far better than a hunk who is in love with himself! IMHO! LOL!
Julieanne CaseAlways from the heart!Reconnecting you to your essence, joy, vitality, youth.| Healing you from the Inside Out |Reconnective Healing | AgeLoc Skin Care | Pharmanex Supplementshttp://thereconnectivehighway.com
Interesting post, I am definitely a glamorous goddess type not the Porn look. I think you are right though that its swaying back the other way at least in the older women 30s 40s the younger generation not sure yet.
My intention is to not judge people on appearances, but it’s very hard for me to take someone seriously who is all dressed up as a porn star. I also agree with Julianne Case’s comments that if you feel the need to dress up like that, in a way that isn’t really who you are, then there are probably self-esteem problems. I too hope the move is away from the “porn-star” look – I don’t think it’s helpful or positive on many levels.
Can I just say “Wow!” – to your wonderfully written post and to the fabulously thought out comments that have already been made? As others have noted, many women (although it applies to men to at times) feel the need to hide behind another identity. That could be plastic surgery in any of its forms, porn-like outfits, too much make-up – or even a fake personality. You make so many good points about staying true to yourself while still being able to be quite glamorous and sexy. Bravo!
Most men couldn’t care less if you have porn star moves in the bedroom. While true some may enjoy watching porn they are really looking for someone they can connect with and have fun with in the bedroom. I think this is a fantastic article, and love the facebook pic.
Jenn Burton
Dating & Romance Coach
http://havehimyourway.com
Where women learn the secrets of epic adoration
I hate the message we are giving young girls with all this plastic surgery. We need to teach them to love and appreciate who they are. We have gotten so far away from teaching girls self esteem it is scary.
Susan Berland
A Picture’s Worth
http://susan-berland.com
I’m a 31 year old man, and have always preferred natural, curvy women. For two years, I actually worked in the adult industry as a DJ and bartender at a strip club. This was from 2004-2006, right when this “mainstream” crossover was happening. Obviously, I saw some pretty crazy shit, but I was a spiritual guy and I’ve always been an observer of human behavior. Ladies, please don’t take this the wrong way as I never agreed with how the club was run or how the women were treated, but I was a 24 year old man, high on anything I could get my hands on, making $1000+/week and of course, incredibly horny.
It’s good business to have variety, and we did at the club. Curvy, natural, fake breasts, no breasts, big butts, red heads, etc… but right at the beginning of 2005, things started to change. All these 19 and 20 year olds starting wanting to get fake breasts, and I couldn’t understand why. Most of these girls were incredibly proportionate and beautiful naturally. I’m telling you, as a man, God has a way of making every woman beautiful in some way when they are as He intended, nude. This is one of the positive things that came out of what was mostly an overindulgent “party” that was my job for two years. And I found out real quick that I hated fake breasts on women…. such a turn-off to me and I tried to convince all of these women not to do it. Ultimately, it was and always is a woman’s choice, but I always let my opinion be known. A lot of these girls also changed their colored contacts every shitft, they wore wigs, and some even got other plastic surgeries done. One was so bad, that the nickname us guys gave her was the “Joker”, because her face loooked exactly like him when she put RED lipstick on!!! It was scary!
I wish I could say that the other guys the came to the club and worked there were the same as me, but most didn’t care. Men are definitely visual, but most of these guys had the mindset, “IF ITS BIG, ITS AWESOME!” but what I found it is that I’ve always had a bigger vision than most, with anything. Working at the club, I got to see girls naked, and it really helped me see the beauty in EVERY girl! (Now I can do it without seeing them nude ;)) If a girl wasn’t a D cup, she’d always have and an incredible stomach, or a long sexy neck. Or if she didn’t have the prettiest face, she’d have a way of walking making her butt shake that was just AMAZINGLY sexy! Getting to see women who were comfortable with their sexuality, in the buff, developing personal relationships with them, gave me great perspective and confidence when it came to courting and dating women in my personal life. And what i know now, is I LOVE WOMEN!!!! Their eyes, their ears, neck, chin, and lips. I love how their hair falls on their back. Their stomach, and how you can imagine one day in having a bump, bearing your child. Their hands, as you hold them, making you feel strong, but the most vulnerable you’ve been in the exact same moment. Their….. ha ha ha, you get the point.
Long comment I know, but yes Jill, Marilyn Monroe I think defined beauty in pop culture. She was an icon, and is a legend. I always preferred Audrey Hepburn’s face, her eyes so alluring, but I always loved Marilyn as well. Old school beauty, for me is where it’s at! Give me the curves, give me the imperfection, give me a girl who has some extra bon bons in her behind. I guarantee, nude, she’s going to look exactly as God intended; sexy, beautiful, charming, alluring, NATURAL! 😉
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